We Are Still Fucking

The full parking lot on a Friday night outside the private Eros sex club in Atlanta. Photo by me. June 2008.

 

An interesting article was published yesterday by The Village Voice's Steve Weinstein entitled, Why Isn't Anyone Fucking Anymore?  
 
Weinstein writes about the decline in the number of gay men engaging in sex in bars and  New York City's effort to close sex clubs and bathhouses. Maybe this is the case in New York but I must say I have seen no decline in semi-public sex in Atlanta bars and we still have our sex club and bathhouse.

However, Atlanta has not been immune to the closing of our gay bars over the past few years, most notably Backstreet, The Metro and The Armory. Those bars were shuttered for some of the same reasons as the ones in New York. Yet, it seems our nightlife remains rather resilient since as soon one bar closes a new one opens. They just might not be located in densely populated residential areas or on highly prized real estate parcels like their predecessors.

Weinstein suggests that in addition to having Mayor Bloomberg who wants to clean up the city, a couple of other reasons including the Internet and wider acceptance of gays in mainstream society are the reasons behind the decline in gay public sex.

If there's a generational shift between post-Stonewall gay men and their younger counterparts, it's that the latter are more interested in fashionista kiss-kiss cocktail soirees... For some, this new attitude may mark a healthy and normal progression—from the generation that had to fight for its right to party to a new breed fighting for the right to marry and serve openly in the military. Today, it's easier than ever to come out, and people are doing it in high school or even before. Coming out so early in life, they don't feel as alienated from straight women—or, increasingly, men. Rather than facing discrimination and alienation, they can look forward to marriage and children.

I could agree that maybe there has been some decline in gay men going out and having public sex as a result of the Internet but at the same time I often see the same gay men looking for sex online that go out and circulate in the bars. Often the case is that if they do not get lucky in a bar then they rush home and look on the 'net for their trick. There seems to be a fair amount of cross-pollination between the two methods of looking for the next hookup.

As far as younger gay men seeking out relationships instead of a quick roll in the hay I can not agree with that assumption. I have seen no evidence to suggest that younger gay men are less likely to fuck in a bar, sex club or on the first date than men in their 40s and older. If anything, younger guys might be more discrete in disrobing in front of older men because they fear they will be eaten like fresh chicken but I see just as many younger guys out looking for dick as older ones.

The idea that younger gays are walking into a more accepting society is a reach. The overwhelming majority of gays and lesbians live in states that either do not allow same-sex marriage or have a constitutional ban against it. So the notion that younger gays are living in a dream world where they envision themselves getting married, having children and having the house with the picket fence is not the norm. I would suggest that some younger gays might be hopeful of having a life that is equivalent to straight adult couples but in reality they learned that early on they face a life filled with discrimination. In the meantime, they will still be going out, hooking up and living a life similar to their older peers.